Watching the women’s 20K race walking during the Olympics reminded me of Franklyn’s bit about "taking last at the Olympics." Thank the flying spaghetti monster for YouTube. 

BBC News:

There is convincing evidence that 60 children and 30 adults were killed in a US air strike in western Afghanistan last Friday, the United Nations says.  

But I’m sure that once he’s elected and increases military spending and shifts more troops into Afghanistan, things there will get much, much better.  Just like they did in Iraq!

Image via Flickr user TopTechWriter.US

Friend and fellow comic Jasper Redd has thrown his hat into the mixtape ring.  A while back, he beamed this one into my inbox. You can download or stream Welcome to Mercury: The Prequel here. I’ve been the recipient of Reddbone’s musical generosity on many occasions.  I can promise that you will not be disappointed.

North Carolinaaaaa! Come on and raise up! (c) Petey Pablo

In honor of Bernie Mac, I will be performing in dark shades and a loud shirt. Possibly a Cosby sweater.

http://www.12shinynickels.com

Doors open at 10:30pm, show at 11pm.

As usual $8 at the door gets you all the premium beer you can drink inside (21 and over).

TWELVE SHINY NICKELS
STANDUP COMEDY SHOW
FRIDAY AUGUST 15TH AT 11PM

THE GARDNER STAGES (BEHIND TOI ON SUNSET)
1501 N. GARDNER STREET (AT SUNSET BLVD.)
HOLLYWOOD, CA 90046
$8 AT THE DOOR.
FREE BEER INSIDE.

The Election
I’m not into politics, but I see what’s going on in the presidential race and I’m seeing rappers make songs for Obama and Mr. McCain doing all his stuff and I’m thinking, this is getting out of control, people. Whatever happened to Democrats and Republicans? You vote for who’s who.

It’s hard for me to vote, because since I’ve been in the NBA I’ve been in the upper class so I’ve been a Republican. If you have any type of money, you’re a Republican, period. So, it’s hard because you see a better looking president in Obama – I don’t even want to say because he’s black, but he just looks the part – and then you have McCain who is Republican and I’m like, man. I know Obama is going to raise taxes on the upper class from 20-60 percent, that’s what I’m looking at. To be honest, I stopped paying attention a long time ago when it was Bush and Gore when Gore won the popular vote, but Bush was the president.

Basically, what that told me was that everybody in America voted for Gore, but somehow, Bush became president. I am confused. Obviously, our vote doesn’t really mean anything. Then you have this thing called the delegate, then you got the super delegate and then you got the hidden delegate that nobody knows about. If you’ve never heard of the hidden delegate, that’s like when you’re buying a car and they say the taxes on the car are 20 percent, and then when you look at your statement, they charge you an extra three, that’s the same thing. It’s the hidden fee delegate that nobody knows about who has all this power. They actually get to pick who they want for president. So when I start looking at it like that, that’s when I stop paying attention because at the end of the day, our votes really don’t matter. I don’t mean to be rude about it, but it seems like it doesn’t matter. If Gore wins by thousands of votes and Bush is president eight years later … come on.

There’s another reason I don’t vote – I don’t want jury duty. If you’re not registered to vote, you can’t get jury duty. I know that campaign Diddy had a couple years ago, “Vote or Die,” yeah if the alternative is jury duty, I’m going to die. I’m not going to get in one of these cases where they blow the jury members’ houses up to get out of the trial, I’m cool. I’ve seen too many movies.

For whatever president that wins, what can I tell you? Do a good job. Change the world. I remember when we were voting for class president in high school, the guy who won was the guy who said he’s going to put the vending machines in the school cafeteria. That’s who I voted for. So until I hear vending machines or lower gas prices, I’m not voting. As soon as I hear, “Yeah, I’m going to lower gas prices,” then you got me, I’ll sit in jury duty.  

This is coming from a guy who spent 2 years in college…kind of, lives in our nation’s capital, is a multi-millionaire, and only works for 7 months out of the year.  Scary. 

I’m walking through Lahaina yesterday with my wife and mother-in-law  when I see David Simon approaching.

I’m thinking, "I have to say something."  So as he’s passing by, I lean in a bit and say, "Thank you, sir."

Nothing.  No acknowledgment at all.  He just ice grills me like Chris Parlow.  We keep walking in opposite directions. He’s looking back at me like a crazy person, and I’m thinking, "Great.  I creeped him out."

Then, he finally says, " Thanks for what?"

"For the show."

He and his wife both throw up their hands, smile and say, "Oh!  You’re welcome!"

Fuck the excellent snorkeling.  Fuck the rum-filled smoothies.  Fuck the amazing seafood.  That made my vacation.