With apologies to Marlo Stanfield, I call this brief, angry screed “The Other Way.”

I would kill for Los Angeles to have a comprehensive subway system.  I would choke someone to death with my bare hands, if I had assurances from God, Allah, Xenu, The Beyonder, Oprah, or whoever it is that runs the universe that by committing the act of murder, I would be assuring the citizens of the City of Angels the basic level of public transport enjoyed by the residents of every other mega city in the first world.

Understand that I’m not talking about two jackass subway lines.  I’m talking about a subway system that actually attempts to connect the city.  Even if you did decide to start with two, modest lines to begin with, who in their right mind would prioritize a subway line to North Hollywood over one that goes to Mid-Wilshire, Melrose, West 3rd Street, West Hollywood, The Fairfax District, Century City, The Sunset Strip, Beverly Hills, Westwood, Santa Monica or Venice?

I don’t know if it was I.F. Stone, Studs Turkle or H. L. Mencken who coined this phrase, but it’s the only thing I can think of to describe the Los Angeles subway: What the fuck?  Also, anyone who actually writes, types or speaks the term “NoHo” when talking about North Hollywood,  stop it.

Oh, you think LA’s population is too big and too sprawling?  Then we better get to work building a big, sprawling subway system.  The sooner we start, the sooner it’s finished.

What’s that, you say?  Mayor Villairaigosa’s 30/10 plan would extend the purple line to Westwood by 2017?  That’s a great start to a subway system that we should have been building thirty years ago.  More.

We have done everything that we can possibly do to help cars get around Los Angeles. We have continued to add more lanes and widen more surface streets which only serves to funnel more drivers into the impacted small intestine that winds its way in and around the city.

From here, we could assign blame in various places. It would be easy for me to suggest that we all get our torches and pitchforks and march on Casa de Waxman.  We could tie him down and shoot blasts of methane gas into his face until his stupid mustache gets blown off.

We could get Warren Olney to hold a town-hall hold meeting in Brentwood where all of the the west side NIMBY assholes could apologize to the entire city, and admit that their fears of having their lily-white enclaves besieged by marauding bands of black and brown people–perhaps led by a Latino Lord Humungus–were both racist and elitist.

We could also point the finger at every single Angeleno who has lived here during the past fifty years.  We cruised along, fat and happy; gorging ourselves on cheap gas and Big Gulps in increasingly bigger cars as our commutes got longer, our waist lines bigger and our air quality worsened.

We could do all of that, but it doesn’t help.  What does help?   That’s not even a rhetorical question.  I’m honestly asking for guidance. How do we get there from here? And when we get there, would it be childish and petty of me to ride the subway to Henry Waxman’s house and punch him in the nose?

One of the best–and most unforeseen–benefits of being able to call yourself a published author is the frequency with which people deem you qualified to stand before them and speak in various settings and capacities.  This weekend, I’m going to be taking place in Design east of La Brea’s  fund raising event, City Listening II.  I’ll be joining other LA writers reading pieces about design and urbanism.  Also, crazy food truck action from The Flying Pig and Coolhaus, booze, and a silent auction.  $25 Tickets includes drinks, food and admission to the show.  Bring your man bag and your Leica, this will be some serious hipster, LA shit.  In a good way.

It’s been a while since I felt the need to shake things up on my top 5 white girls list. Like any self-respecting angry populist, Ms. Warren has been on my radar for some time now.  After her appearance on The Daily Show, I wanted her to make me some hot cocoa and further explain how she was going to make those bad men pay for locking me and my hypothetical children into a lifetime of wage slavery at the hands of Capital One, Citibank, etc. After reading this piece in the latest Rolling Stone, and this Q & A on CounterPunch, I knew it was time to give her a spot.

Also, it will now be known as the Top 5 White Women list.  Much classier; especially given the new tilt of the list towards more serious issues.  And now, the new list.

1. Bjork – Having said that, there is very little that I take as seriously as music.
2. Amy Goodman – The more I read, the more documentaries I watch, the more conversations I have with interesting people at random parties and events, the more I find  myself saying or thinking, “I know about that because of Amy Goodman.”  Either through her work on Democracy Now or her talks and books, I can’t think of any single person other than Noam Chomsky who has introduced me to so many national and global news stories, socio-political issues, amazing thinkers and activists, and exposed the failings and lies of so many scoundrels and scalawags.
3. Elizabeth Warren – It’s that serious.  Getting Wall Street under control should be one of the highest priorities of every global citizen.
4. Shiela Kuehl – Former California State Senator who introduced SB 840; legislation that would establish a state single payer health care system.  Twice, the bill passed both houses of the legislature only to be vetoed by The Governator.  Last year, Senator Mark Leno re-introduced “The California Universal Healthcare Act.” SB 810, as it is now called, was passed by the Senate in January.  Also, Kuehl played Zelda on The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis.
5. Ruth Jones – Co-creator, co-writer and co-star of the BBC sitcom Gavin & Stacey.  My favorite performer on one of my favorite shows of recent years.  The accents can be a bit tough to penetrate, but if you can figure out what they’re saying on The Wire or in any Guy Ritchie film, you’ll be fine.

And that’s what’s occurring.

And here’s the Saturday Night Live performance that first made me a Fishbone fan.

Fishbone – Everyday Sunshine Live at Saturday Night Live

daniele | MySpace Video