Archive for the 'Race' Category



20
Feb

Not a fan mail.

From time to time I get an e-mail or a MySpace message from a stranger telling me that they enjoyed the book.  This is the first time someone has taken the time out of their day to contact me expressing the opposite opinion.  Today, I got this e-mail:

XXXXXXX XXXXXX  <xxxxx@xxxx.com> Fri, Feb 20, 2009 at 1:36 PM

To: Nick.Adams@gmail.com

I stumbled upon your book Making Friends with Black People, the other day while browsing at the bookstore on the campus of Prairie View A&M University. I quickly asked the manager to pull your book of the shelves, or at least put them on the bottom shelf. I don’t believe in stifling free speech, but truly this type of “literature” shouldn’t be promoted, and doesn’t help our community as whole.
I know the Lord as blessed you to have great financial gain from your book, but even still he allows corrupt politicians, liars and abortionist to keep their jobs as well. So lets not look at your sales as the work of the Lord.
What were you truly trying to accomplish from this book? It’s a mockery of true literature. When one reads, one should be able to complete said works and see the contribution that it has in our society. I was left dumbfounded that one could pen such stupidity. And your editors, they allowed this? God help us.
Mr. Adams, I respect your craft of being a comedian, but I do really seek to know that your intentions were with this book? It doesn’t’ help race relations and it only sets up back to what they expect from us.
I feel as though you have let down those before you such as James Baldwin, Richard Wright and others….
I pray that this is your last book of this type.
Ms. XXXXXXX

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

I stumbled upon your book Making Friends with Black People, the other day while browsing at the bookstore on the campus of Prairie View A&M University. I quickly asked the manager to pull your book of the shelves, or at least put them on the bottom shelf. I don’t believe in stifling free speech, but truly this type of “literature” shouldn’t be promoted, and doesn’t help our community as whole.

So you don’t believe in stifling free speech, but you want my book pulled from bookshelves. Do you believe in irony? The point of this type of literature-or any type-isn’t to “help our community.” The point of literature is to entertain the reader. If you’re looking for something to validate your self-worth, or uplift the race, I’d suggest that you don’t look toward the “non-fiction humor” category next time. Something from the T.D. Jakes catalog, perhaps?

I know the Lord as [sic] blessed you to have great financial gain from your book, but even still he allows corrupt politicians, liars and abortionist to keep their jobs as well. So lets not look at your sales as the work of the Lord.

Of course, you have no idea how much money I’ve made from the book. Also, you don’t know that the Lord had anything to do with it. You don’t even know that such a being has ever existed. I agree. Let’s not look at my sales as the work of the Lord. Let’s look at my sales as the work of a man who put his ideas on paper, an agent who found someone interested in publishing those ideas, and a publisher who thought that there might be an audience for such a book.

Also, corrupt politicians, liars and abortionists don’t exist because of the benevolence of any higher power. They exist for the following reasons: power corrupts, human nature, and the need and/or desire for women to terminate pregnancies. Since you clearly don’t have a fundamental understanding of the non-fiction humor genre, perhaps you also don’t comprehend how politics, lying and abortions work, either?

What were you truly trying to accomplish from this book? It’s a mockery of true literature.

Holy shit, you accidentally made a point! Kind of. Mockery is defined as “ridicule, contempt, or derision.” There are definitely aspects of traditional literature that are ridiculed in the book, so pat yourself on the back.  It took you a few paragraphs and some creative thinking on my part, but you finally made a little bit of sense.

When one reads, one should be able to complete said works and see the contribution that it has in our society. I was left dumbfounded that one could pen such stupidity. And your editors, they allowed this? God help us.

When one reads, one should be able to complete said work and have been entertained by it. Period. That’s it. That’s the goal. Everything else is extra. And if you haven’t grasped it yet, God definitely isn’t going to help us. If he were, I’m sure he would have started by preventing me from getting this inane e-mail.

Mr. Adams, I respect your craft of being a comedian, but I do really seek to know that your intentions were with this book? It doesn’t’ help race relations and it only sets up back to what they expect from us.

If you’re this bewildered and pissed off by my book, I doubt very seriously that you’d respect my stand-up act. And if you still don’t understand what my intentions were by publishing a non-fiction humor book, I doubt that my explaining it to you again would help much.

I feel as though you have let down those before you such as James Baldwin, Richard Wright and others….

I pray that this is your last book of this type.

Baldwin and Wright were both true artists, and intellectual firebrands. As such, I’m sure they would relish a Black man with a decent grasp of the English language, a sense of humor, and a strong point of view putting his thoughts and ideas out into the literary ether to amuse and entertain. And even if they didn’t find my book clever or thought-provoking, they would have the common sense to understand that it wasn’t doing harm to the foundation of Black society.

I really hope you’re an incoming freshman. If not, Prairie View A&M University has failed you miserably.

11
Feb

A Memo to America

Barack Obama is not your favorite uncle.

He’s not your BFF. He’s not a rock star. He’s not the short, but scrappy white guy who comes off the bench for your college basketball team to the delight of the student section.

He’s an elected official. He’s a civil servant. He works for you. It is both your right and your responsibility to scrutinize and question every single policy decision he makes. It is both your right and your responsibility to parse every public statement he gives. Our population’s failure to do these things is what gave BushCo the freedom to lie, cheat and steal this country into both the financial and moral bankruptcy. Failure to do so under the current administration will only make it worse. What we need from you is not knee-jerk defense of Barack Obama. What we need from you, fellow citizen, is vigilance.

A quick recap of what’s at stake:

  • The financial sector is a shambles of foreclosed homes, insolvent banks and hundreds of thousands of recently unemployed men and women. Once again, the big guy has bent the little guy over and sodomized him with rolled up hundred dollar bills. Once again, he’s going to get away with it.
  • Speaking of financial matters, half of all bankruptcies in this country are caused by medical bills. The wealthiest nation in history has a health care system which The World Health Organization ranked lower than Costa Rica, Morocco, Colombia and 33 other countries when it last produced it’s rankings in 2000. Silly socialists.
  • Our love affair with rockets and tanks has left us with a bloated defense budget that is almost as large as the military expenditures of all the other countries in the world combined. We’ve been in Iraq longer than we were in WW II. During that time, we’ve murdered and/or caused the deaths of as many as a million people, displaced hundreds of thousands more, made cannon fodder of 4,000 Americans, created countless terrorists and spent as many as $3 trillion, according to some estimates. But if we leave too soon, you know…things might really fall apart.
  • Despite our legal, moral and tactical failing in Iraq, we’re poised to redouble our efforts in that other illegal, immoral war of aggression in Afghanistan with a troop surge for that specific campaign and an increase in military spending in general. If at first you don’t succeed…
  • Some Americans still hold on to the arrogant, ignorant notion that our homosexual brothers and sisters do not have the exact same rights as everyone else. (Do you think Barack and Michelle would have settled for a civil union?) While the nation’s gaze was focused on the passage of Proposition 8 in California—a heinous and hateful piece of legislation, to be sure—Arkansas, Florida and Arizona passed laws making it illegal for homosexual couples to adopt. Much better that thousands of children continue to be shuffled to and from various foster homes and orphanages, lest they end of living with a couple of dikes, huh?
  • Oh yeah. Cops are still murdering Black men in the street.

Excuse the fuck out of me if I take a second from admiring how Black and cool my president is to spend time worrying about the actual issues.

“But, Nick. Obama just got into the White House! He didn’t cause all that other stuff!”

As a United States Senator, Obama was complicit in and/or did absolutely nothing to resolve most of the aforementioned issues. (The fact that he was not in the Senate for the Iraq war vote and has said repeatedly that he would not have voted for it is balanced out by the fact that he voted to give President Bush every single dollar he wanted to fight the war.) He may not have been the guy holding Jodie Foster down on the pool table, but he was definitely cheering by the bar.

If I have to hear, read or see one more pundit falling back on some version of that toothless “he just got elected” canard, I’m going to challenge Stephon Marbury to a head-butting competition.

The next friend or family member who allows that idiotic, “He just said that to get elected”, The Spook Who Sat by the Door theory to escape their lips should be given the Ludovico technique from A Clockwork Orange with the violent images replaced with Noam Chomsky speeches.

Yes, the Obamas seem to be a well-adjusted, loving, beautiful family. Who gives a fuck? We have more important things to talk about than what sort of dog Malia and Sasha will get or whether or not Barack is smoking again.

The campaign is over. “Yes we can” should be removed from your vocabulary and deposited in the dust bin of political propaganda forever. Take that limited edition Shepard Fairy print down off your fucking wall, roll it up really tight, and shove it up your ass. You don’t make idols out of employees. The time has come for Americans to stop being cheerleaders and start being play by play analysts. (Think Hubie Brown, not Dick Vitale.)

What America needs is more informed, passionate debate on the merits of the issues. What America does not need is more mealy-mouthed defenses of Barack Obama.

24
Oct

The dumbest shit I’ve ever read in my life

Someone is already bending over backwards to defend this moron, Ashley Todd.  A blogger named CajunTechie writes:

I don’t think Ms. Todd is psycho. I think she’s someone with good intentions and who deeply loves her country. She is, like many people, concerned about the direction her country will take if the wrong person becomes president. I believe she sees this election on a moral ground and, as such, all bets are off.

In an odd way, I understand her thoughts..
In an odd way, I actually respect her.

This woman faked a savage attack for the sole purpose of creating more racial hatred for Barack Obama, but somehow she had good intentions and loves her country?  While law enforcement officials could have been out working to keep the streets safe, they had to waste their time and energy dealing with this racist bullshit, but he understands her thoughts?  Given the history of abuse that Black men have suffered at the hands of police, there was a strong chance that some innocent guy could have been arrested and assaulted himself before everyone figured out that this was a hoax, but he respects her?    If only we all got the same benefit of the doubt that America sees fit to extend to white women.

Dumbest shit I’ve ever read in my life.

I’ll tell you this, I think for the next month every Black man that sees Ashley Todd on the street should punch her in her face and then walk to the nearest police station and turn themselves in.  I’d be more than willing to take an assault beef to teach that racist troglodyte a lesson.

10
Oct

Another email to Wax Man, D Fine, and Boxy Lady

Rep. Henry Waxman

Senator Dianne Feinstein

Senator Barbara Boxer

Representatives,

It’s me, Nick Adams, again. I’m sure you guys are well aware of the report issued by the Global Cannabis Commission. You know, the international group of scientists who studied the issue of global cannabis policy and then released their findings in a 226-page paper, Cannabis Policy: Moving Beyond Stalemate? Just in case you haven’t gotten around to reading all about it, I thought I’d point out some of the highlights of their report.

The enforcement effort has not had much success in deterring use.

Translation: With regards to marijuana, the drug war has been a failure.

The probability and scale of harm among heavy cannabis users is modest

compared with that caused by many other psychoactive substances, both

legal and illegal, in common use, namely, alcohol, tobacco, amphetamines,

cocaine and heroin.

Translation: It’s less harmful than alcohol and tobacco.

The rationale for severe penalties for possession offenses is weak on both

normative and practical grounds. In many developed countries a majority of

adults born in the past half-century have used cannabis. Control regimes that

criminalize users are intrusive on privacy, socially divisive and expensive.

Thus it is worth considering alternatives.

Translation: Our current marijuana laws are costly and infringe on our civil liberties.

In countries where data are available, arrest rates are sharply higher for many

minority and socially disadvantaged groups.

Translation: The war on marijuana disproportionately effects minorities and poor people.

Given this data, I’m sure that you will all immediately reconsider your illogical and counter-productive stance on the continued criminalization of marijuana.

22
Sep

Rest easy, citizens of Gardena

Illustration via Phil McAndrew

Councilman Steve Bradford is on the case.  Having single-handedly done away with all crime, poverty and quality of life issues in your city, Mr. Bradford has decided to focus his attention on the evil scourge that continues to threaten society; sagging pants.  Avert your eyes, lady folk.   There are adolescent boxer shorts in plain sight! The Daily Breeze tells the tale:

Gardena city officials will discuss a proposed ordinance Tuesday to ban wearing saggy pants and allow police officers to ticket offenders.

Yes, that’s right: saggy pants – as in, pants that hang down below the waist and expose several inches of underwear or skin.

Councilman Steve Bradford introduced the ordinance, arguing that the fashion amounts to indecent exposure.

"The average young African-American or Latino who is stopped usually is profiled based on what they’re wearing and how they’re wearing it," Bradford said at a recent City Council meeting.

"We can circumvent that by asking for folks to please wear their pants at a respectable level. I think it goes a long way in eliminating police contact and eliminating biases by the general public."

Or, you can circumvent that by not profiling the average young African-American or Latino because of how they’re wearing their clothing in the first place, Steve.  How about allowing those citizens the right to go about their daily lives without being harassed because of how they choose to dress? You know, the same thing you’d do for everyone else?

The first Gardena Council member who proposes an ordinance banning Steve Bradford from proposing any more idiotic ordinances will get a big fat donation from yours truly.

09
Jul

L.F. Eason III is my fucking hero

From the Raleigh News & Observer

RALEIGH – L.F. Eason III gave up the only job he’d ever had rather than lower a flag to honor former U.S. Sen. Jesse Helms.

Eason, a 29-year veteran of the state Department of Agriculture, instructed his staff at a small Raleigh lab not to fly the U.S. or North Carolina flags at half-staff Monday, as called for in a directive to all state agencies by Gov. Mike Easley.

When a superior ordered the lab to follow the directive, Eason decided to retire rather than pay tribute to Helms. After several hours’ delay, one of Eason’s employees hung the flags at half-staff.

12
Mar

Riviera Beach, Florida. A town full of FUCKING MORONS.

From the Palm Beach Post:

Pull’ em up or pay up! That’s the order voters gave tonight by overwhelmingly approving Mayor Thomas Masters "saggy pants" law…Under the new law, anyone with droopy pants that show skin or underwear faces legal action. The first offense carries a $150 fine or community service. A second infraction carries a $300 fine or more community service. Habitual violators could face up to 60 days in jail. The jail provision produced a last-minute backlash to the ordinance. But the law was popular among elderly voters who apparently turned out at the polls.

Fresh on the heels of the news that 1 out of every 100 US citizens is incarcerated, these FUCKING MORONS decide that it’s a good idea to fine and possibly jail people for wearing their pants too low. The article mentions that "the law was popular among elderly voters."  What if someone had introduced a measure making it illegal to wear your pants too high instead of too low?  How would these FUCKING MORONS feel about that? 


 

 

27
Feb

Stop whatever you’re doing and watch this video

  Completely snark-proof. 
  

 

29
Jan

An Introduction to 1980s hip-hop

 

Image via Flickr user Ben Pearce

An Introduction to 1980s hip-hop

A Mixtape for Jim and Frank.

Because my friend Frank spent the early part of the decade listening to Joy Division, and my friend Jim spent it being a toddler.  Obviously, this is not meant to be definitive.  Just a not quite random collection of back in the day hip-hop songs that those less versed in the genre might not be familiar with. 

“Apache” – Sugarhill Gang – 1981

Rapper’s Delight gets all the hype, but this is by far the superior song.  Will Smith flipped it:

“Planet Rock” – Afrika Bambaataa and Soulsonic Force  - 1982

I can’t overestimate the importance of Bambaataa.  He literally expanded the musical minds of a generation of kids.  This is easily one of the most important hip-hop songs of all time.  If you sent out a space probe full of artifacts to represent black culture, I would have no qualms with using this as the record to showcase rap music. 

“Rock Box” – Run D.M.C – 1984

Easily my favorite Run D.M.C. song ever.  You have to remember that Run D.M.C. just decided to rap over a rock guitar in the 1980s and not one single black person batted an eyelash. Amazing.  The first true hip hop rock stars. 

“Hey DJ” – The World’s Famous Supreme Team – 1984

There is nothing quite like a great “feel good” hip hop record.  If you listen to this and aren’t immediately in a better mood, you’re a fucking vampire.   The only problem is that someone forgot to tell the Supreme Team that they weren’t writing a goddamned  symphony.  Way too long. That’s a common theme among some of the best songs of the 80s. 

“Fat Boys” – Fat Boys – 1984

Yes,  before The Disorderlies, they were taken seriously.  This was one of the first albums I ever owned.  I could tell by our disparate degrees of interest in this and Kurtis Blow that my sister wasn’t going to be into rap as much as me.  Like most great ideas, this one is much better if you don’t over think it.  Three fat guys rapping.  Mostly about food.  How could that not be good? 

“Jam On It” – Newcleus – 1984

I was 11 years old when this song came out.  Newcleus had three young breakdancers  in the crew.  I wanted to be one of those kids so desperately.   For the last 23 years of my life, I think it’s pretty safe to say that I’ve never heard this song without kind of losing my shit at least a little bit.  I could do a fairly impressive, impromptu routine to this song right now.  Given, of course, about 20 minutes to stretch and warm up.  Another long one. 

“The Show” – Doug E. Fresh & The Get Fresh Crew – 1985

Having included both Doug E. Fresh and The Fat Boys, I’ve pretty got beatboxing covered.  And speaking of covering, Snoop Dog recorded a popular reinterpretation of this classic a while back.  Yes, that’s the Inspector Gadget music.  Doug E. Fresh made some monster party records.

“Pee Wee’s Dance” – Joeski Love – 1986

Hip-hop doesn’t have a Weird Al Yankovich, but every now and then a novelty song pops us and makes some noise.  Most are awful. (See: Afroman.)  Some are fucking great.  Like this song and The Mighty Casey’s “Whitegirls.”  

 

If you’re thinking that you’ll just watch that The Mighty Casey video later, watch it now.  Seriously.  It’s a cover version of Melle Melle’s classic, “White Lines”, but it’s about white girls instead.  I quote: “Don’t tell Minister Farakhan.  He don’t wanna know what’s going on.”

“Top Billin’ ” – Audio Two – 1987

Easily one of my favorite songs of all time.  A perfect example of just how beat driven hip-hop is.  Immediately, any teenager in America realized that they could put on a mini-concert just by banging on a lunch table.  Expertly jacked by Mary J. Blige for “Real Love” to signal the switch from the time when hip-hop sampled R&B to the time when R&B sampled hip-hop. 

“Nobody Beats The Biz” – Biz Markie – 1987

I remember watching a VH1 show about the best one hit wonders of all time and they included Biz for “Just a Friend.”  I wanted to punch everyone in the world in the face.  I know it’s hard for parents and white people to understand, but…people loved Biz.  Biz is a fucking hip-hop legend.  This is an example of why.  That Steve Miller sample is one of the best in the history of rap. 

“The Overweight Lover’s In The House” – Heavy D & the Boyz – 1987

Like I always say, rock star trumps everything.  There have been not one, but two hugely overweight, and hugely successful black rappers with a lazy eye.  And one of them was a really good dancer.  Rock star trumps everything.  Heavy utilized James Brown as well as anybody in hip hop.

“Paid in Full (Seven Minutes of Madness–The Coldcut Remix)” – Eric B. & Rakim – 1988

This extended play, psychedelic version of a song that was already a classic was cemented into popular culture when it was included on the soundtrack to the movie Colors.  If you’re ever DJing a party of 30-something black folks, put this on and then go to the bathroom, smoke a joint and make some phone calls.  Rakim is my favorite MC of all time.

“My Philosophy” – Boogie Down Productions – 1988

You’re teenager who’s left home to live on the street for 6 years.  You meet a counselor in a shelter, record and album with him, and then he gets shot in the throat breaking up a fight.  What do you do?  If you answered A. Crawl into a deep dark hole and cry yourself crazy, you are Nick Adams.  If you answered B. Record a genre-defining album and blow everybody’s mind, you are Kris Parker.  

“Talkin’ All That Jazz” – Stetasonic – 1988

Not only is it a perfect example of the easy symbiosis of hip-hop and jazz.  It’s an open letter that explains what sampling is about.  It’s not my favorite Stet song—that would be “Sally”—but it’s their most important.   Plus Prince Paul was their DJ, so you know they were great.  Speaking of Prince Paul, go here, and check out a phone conversation he had with Jay Smooth of illdoctrine.com. 

“The Symphony” – Marley Marl featuring. Master Ace, Craig G, Kool G Rap & Big Daddy Kane – 1988

This is one of my favorite posse cuts.  That “Hard to Handle” sample is another good example of how one song can be used to construct a totally different, equally great song.  Yes, Kool G Rap has a really bad lisp.  Yes, he manages to overcome that an be a fierce MC.  I told you, rock star trumps everything. 

“I Get The Job Done” – Big Daddy Kane – 1989

If the saying “Black is beautiful” is true, not phony

I’m browner than Bobby so won’t you be my “Tenderoni”

Is there anything else to say after that? 

28
Jan

Courtney B. Vance can’t afford to go to college

This has to be 20 years old, but  damn if I didn’t get choked up.

 

 




There are no tags associated with this blog