You think you’re a great wing man? Fuck you. Al Cowlings is a great wing man.
Archive for the 'Football' Category
26
Sep
Roundup
Image via Flickr user Nrbelex
Dwayne Perkins was one of the first people I met when I started doing stand-up in LA. He’s one of the nicest people in this town, and he’s one of Rolling Stone’s 5 comics to watch.
This catch by Morgan State’s Edwin Baptiste is great because it’s just amazing to watch, and it also validates the theory held by my wife and I. Namely, that athletes are more likely to have memorable names than the average person.
Former NBA player Jon Bender helps rebuild New Orleans.
Mission accomplished…for Osama bin Laden.
Given the Palin problem, now might be a good idea to (re)-familiarize yourself with Thomas Eagleton.
15
Sep
Keep it up, Jessica!
When I think about former pro-bowler and fellow Wake Forest alum Mike McCrary, I always remember the sweet Mustang 2.0 that he drove around campus. That thing was cherry red, with a full spoiler kit. Combine that with the fact that he was a tall, muscular football player and you know that this guy was really living the life during his college years. McCrary surprised everybody by going on to be a star defensive end for the Baltimore Ravens when they had one of the most feared defenses in the history of the league.
Now, he can barely walk.
His knees ache with pain so intense that he says he is unable to stand for more than a few minutes.
“I look silly at cocktail parties. I’m the only one sitting down,” said former Ravens defensive end Michael McCrary.
He is 36 years old.
He has taken a blizzard of medications for chronic pain and depression, casually rattling off the names as if they were afternoon snacks.
“I’ve been on Percocet, Percodan, OxyContin, oxycodone, three different psychiatric medicines,” he said. “I had a fentanyl patch; that’s like heroin. I’m on methadone now.
“You know when people said it was crazy, all that stuff that Anna Nicole [Smith] was taking? Man, that’s the same stuff I take.”
I’m 34. I couldn’t imagine facing the prospect of getting two knee replacements in a couple of years. But for a few million dollars a year…I would have done the same thing.
INT. DOLPHIN STADIUM – NIGHT
The Indianapolis Colts are reveling in their Super Bowl victory.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Congratulations to the 2007 Super Bowl winners the Indianapolis Colts!
What are you going to do now?PLAYER
I’m gonna go get arrested!
Cut to:
The headline of a story in yesterday’s Indianapolis Star that reads: Another Colt runs afoul of law.
Indianapolis Colts defensive lineman Darrell Reid became the fourth player from the Super Bowl champions to be arrested this year when he was booked Saturday on three charges stemming from marijuana possession in his hometown of Freehold, N.J. Dominic Rhodes, Dexter Reid and DeDe Dorsey have also made the police blotter since Jan. 3.
Darrell Reid, 24, was charged with possession of less than 50 grams of marijuana, obstruction of the administration of law and possession of a controlled dangerous substance in a motor vehicle, according to the Asbury Park Press.
Anyone who knows me probably knows my stance on this country’s asinine, outdated drug policy. Especially towards marijuana. (Did I mention that it’s less harmful to society than alcohol and tobacco?) But I think this story is interesting for a couple of reason. First, I have no idea why professional athletes continue to drive around with their weed. What is the thought process behind this?
“Let’s see. I’m a 24 year old black male driving around the suburbs in an expensive automobile. The odds of me being pulled over by the cops just aren’t high enough. Let’s see if I can get a strong marijuana smell emanating from the vehicle too!”
I’d like to take this opportunity to give Darrell, Dominic, Dexter and DeDe three pieces of unsolicited advice. (Random black conspiracy theory: They’ve already destroyed all the black men in American who’s first names start with the letters A-C.) This advice applies to everybody, but it seems that athletes fall into these pitfalls so damned easily. I’m just speaking as a 34-year-old man and long time sports fan. I’ve seen this shit before. We all have. Here goes:
1. Until you put a ring on her finger, you put a condom on your dick. I don’t think I need to say anything further about that.
2. Don’t spend your money on stupid shit. Why put twelve extra diamonds in a Rolex? Watch VH1’s Behind the Music: MC Hammer religiously. Study it. Learn the signs of over-consumption. (First sign. Anything gold plated…probably a little extravagant.)
3. If you think your night is going to get a little crazy…do it at home. Strippers and blow? Not a problem. Cognac, weed and ’round the way girls more your thing? Who’s gonna know? Everybody check their digital cameras at the door and let’s get freaky!
If you want to smoke out, I’m certainly not going to be the man to tell you not to. But do that shit AT HOME.
The irony of this story is that the Colts’ head coach, Tony Dungy is what scientists refer to as a Jesus Freak. The post-game interview he did after his groundbreaking Super Bowl win sounded more like Bible study. What’s that you say? Tony Dungy’s own personal beliefs are none of my business? Why bash him for it? Well, once you start aligning yourself with right-wing religious groups and speaking out against the freedoms of American citizens, I have to call bull and shit.
Dungy was also one of the main people with his panties in a bunch over the whole Terrell Owens Monday Night Football scandal.
Yes. The site of a white woman’s bare shoulders was simply too much for Tony and a lot of Americans to take. Here’s what he said about it:
I thought it was uncalled for. I thought it was in really bad taste and just, I don’t know that there’s any way you can defend it. I thought it hit at a lot of stereotypes towards athletes, black athletes in particular. I thought it was very insensitive on the heels of the Kobe Bryant situation.
Here’s what I always picture when I see that quote:
Won’t someone please think of the children!
Today, on The Huffington Post, current Chicago Bear special teamer Brendon Ayanbadejo speaks out about the state of diversity at his alma mater, UCLA. Amazingly, this year’s freshman class of 5,000 was only 2% Black. Ayanbadejo and Golden State Warriors guard Baron Davis–a fellow Bruin–have started a public awareness campaign called We Should Not Be the Only Ones.
I, and the other athletes who have joined me, think we should not be the only ones to get an education, because we can perform well on a field or on a court. We have little interest in politics, but we have a large interest in human rights. It should be a simple right for a young person of color in this country to have access to higher public education. Let’s start recruiting students, the way they recruited me and the rest of my friends, so we don’t get to a point where every black student on campus is an athlete.
Los Angeles Times columnist J.A. Adande addressed the issue and Ayanbadejo’s efforts in yesterday’s edition of the paper.
The numbers demand words. Loud words, angry words. For the fall 2006 freshman class, less than 100 African Americans enrolled, the fewest in more than 30 years. Twenty of them were on athletic scholarship, which means we’re getting dangerously close to making a fact from the stereotypical assumption that a black student on campus is an athlete. A ranking of African American student admissions in the fall of 2005 put UCLA 29th among the top 30 colleges and universities.
Ayanbadejo address more football specific issues over at his Super Bowl week blog.
You would think that, given his history, Ron Mexico would really be trying to keep his nose clean. As for Kwame Brown, that story has so many WTF moments in it, it seems to real to be true.
Vick surrenders water bottle
By CURT ANDERSON
MIAMI (AP) – Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick reluctantly surrendered a water bottle to security at Miami International Airport that smelled like marijuana and contained a substance in a hidden compartment.
Police said Thursday it could be weeks before a decision is made on whether to file charges. “We’ll do an analysis and see what it is. There’s no sense of urgency to it,” Detective Alvaro Zabaleta said Thursday.
The bottle was found to have a compartment that contained “a small amount of dark particulate and a pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana,” the police report said. The compartment was hidden by the bottle’s label so that it appeared to be a full bottle of water when held upright, police said.
Vick entered an airport concourse Wednesday morning with the 20-ounce bottle. His initial reluctance to turn over the bottle aroused suspicion among airport security screeners, a police report said. He eventually handed it over and boarded his flight to Atlanta.
Police said the bottle was sent to the Miami-Dade County crime lab.
Vick did not immediately return a phone call early Thursday.
“We plan to look into the matter and discuss it with Michael Vick before having any further comment,” Falcons spokesman Reggie Roberts said.
Under Florida law, possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana is a misdemeanour punishable by up to a year in prison and a US$1,000 fine. First offenders rarely do any jail time.
Two Transportation Security Administration screeners recognized the six-foot, 215-pound Vick.
Vick’s younger brother, Marcus, is a wide receiver for the Miami Dolphins. Michael Vick was the overall No. 1 draft pick in the 2001 NFL draft. In 2006, Michael Vick passed for more than 2,400 yards and also topped 1,000 yards rushing.
No charges against Brown for throwing cake
By Mike Bresnahan, Times Staff Writer
January 18, 2007
SAN ANTONIO — For the second time since his arrival in Los Angeles, Kwame Brown had a police report filed against him, this one involving a birthday cake.
The Lakers center was accused of ruining a $190 chocolate cake belonging to a birthday celebrant, Alexander Martinez, who was holding it outside a Hermosa Beach club early Saturday morning.
Brown was out with a group of teammates for Ronny Turiaf’s birthday, when he exited the club at about 2 a.m., grabbed the cake and threw it, hitting Martinez’s upper back, according to a police report. Brown then left in a limousine.
Turiaf said Wednesday that the cake was meant to hit him, which it did on the back of the head, but he declined further comment.
The Lakers had defeated the Orlando Magic at Staples Center a few hours before the incident.
Martinez, listed at 5 feet 9 and 165 pounds in the report, was out for a 30th birthday celebration with his wife and other friends. He filed his police report 12 hours later.
The district attorney declined to file charges against Brown, who was unavailable for comment and is not traveling with the Lakers on their three-game trip because he has been sidelined by a sprained ankle.
“It was a misunderstanding,” Lakers spokesman John Black said. “We’re glad that the authorities saw that it’s without merit. This can be put behind us and we can move on now.”
Before the cake toss, Martinez had asked for, and received, a photo with Turiaf outside a different club, according to the report.
After the incident, the accuser saw Lamar Odom exiting a nearby pizza place and told the Lakers forward what had happened.
One of Odom’s friends, described as a possible bodyguard in the report, pushed Martinez into the street and told him to “Get away from Lamar.”
Odom, however, told his friend to leave Martinez alone. “Calm down,” Odom said, according to the report. “He didn’t do anything.”
Odom also did not travel on the Lakers’ trip because of an injury.
Brown was accused of sexual assault by a college student last May in the middle of the Lakers’ first-round playoff series against Phoenix. Prosecutors declined to file charges because of insufficient evidence.
mike.bresnahan@latimes.com
Wake Forest University will play in the Orange Bowl. Yes, you read that correctly. Wake Forest will play in the Orange Bowl.
(AP Photo/Phil Coale)
No. 16 Wake Forest 9, No. 23 Georgia Tech 6
By MARK LONG, AP Sports Writer
December 2, 2006
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) — Wake Forest’s defensive players huddled near the sideline, pushing and shoving, yelling and screaming, jumping and dancing.
They were trailing 6-3 and ready to do something about it. Riley Swanson did.
Swanson intercepted a pass from Reggie Ball on the next play, sparking a comeback that gave Wake Forest its first Atlantic Coast Conference championship in 36 years and sent the Demon Deacons to their biggest bowl game in school history.
Riley Skinner followed Swanson’s pick with long completions on consecutive drives, setting up Sam Swank’s final two field goals that gave No. 16 Wake Forest a 9-6 victory over 23rd-ranked Georgia Tech in the ACC title game on a rain-soaked Saturday.
“When you get our backs against the wall, these kids respond,” Wake Forest coach Jim Grobe said.
Skinner, who grew up in Jacksonville, finished 14-for-25 for 201 yards in his homecoming — and may have had the biggest cheering section in the half-empty stadium. He struggled most of the game and was sacked four times, but he came up big when the Demon Deacons needed it most.
He hooked up with John Tereshinski for a 39-yard gain on third-and-10, setting up Swank’s second field goal, a 33-yarder with 8:27 to play. The kick tied the game at 6.
On the next possession, Skinner found Willie Idlette down the middle for a 45-yard gain, setting up a 22-yarder that turned out to be the game-winner.
The Demon Deacons (11-2) won their second league title and first since 1970, adding another chapter to an improbable season in Grobe’s sixth season. The finale comes in the Orange Bowl on Jan. 2 — the program’s biggest bowl game since the 1946 Gator Bowl.
“I can’t even put it in words,” said linebacker Jon Abbate, who finished with 15 tackles. “It’s been an unbelievable season. Unbelievable to be ACC champs, and I can’t explain it.”
Georgia Tech (9-4) had a chance to tie the game or take the lead, but punted when coach Chan Gailey opted not to go for it on fourth-and-13 from his 18 yard-line.
It was one of several questionable calls for Gailey, who went for it on fourth-and-1 from Wake’s 13-yard line in the third quarter. Ball failed to pick up the first down on a quarterback sneak.
Gailey also ordered a field goal early in the fourth quarter instead of attempting a fourth-and-1 play on Wake’s 17 with the game tied at 3. Tech also called a reverse in the first quarter on third-and-1. The play resulted in a 9-yard loss.
“Obviously, it’s my responsibility to get this football team ready to play and we didn’t do well enough today to win the game,” Gailey said.
Nonetheless, the blame will be put on Ball, and maybe rightfully so.
He was awful for the second consecutive week. He was 9-of-29 passing for 129 yards, with two interceptions. He was 6-of-22 for 42 yards last week in a loss against rival Georgia and threw two interceptions.
The senior refused to talk after the game.
“I think with every quarterback, every time you can get pressure and get contact on him, you get in their head a little bit,” Abbate said.
Ball’s best passes were three deep balls down the sideline that resulted in pass interference penalties.
Tashard Choice ran 21 times for 100 yards, and Calvin Johnson caught eight passes for 117 yards. But Johnson also had two key drops. The second one came on a deep pass that he tipped into the hands of Swanson for the game-turning interception.
“That was huge,” Grobe said. “That was right after the defense got so pumped up. That’s where I looked over to the defense and I expected to see them tired and kind of sucking wind. They were dancing around and bumping into each other and ready to go.”
Georgia Tech will return to Jacksonville for the Gator Bowl in four weeks — something Gator Bowl officials had hoped to avoid.
ACC commissioner John Swofford even said at halftime that the Gator Bowl would be allowed to select another conference team, essentially giving the bowl permission to overlook a rule that would force the bowl to select Georgia Tech (7-1 in conference play) over Clemson, Boston College or Maryland (all 5-3 in the league).
But the Gator Bowl relented after a week of complaints and invited Georgia Tech back following the game. The Yellow Jackets accepted and probably will face either defending national champion Texas or a team from the Big East.
Wake Forest, meanwhile, will head to Miami.
“I think it’s a great opportunity for us to prove one more time what this team is about,” Abbate said.
I’ve seen this clip a dozen times and it always gives me goosebumps.
Best comeback ever.
Worst announcers ever.
“I done wet my britches!”
