Archive for August, 2007

29
Aug

Gladiator meets Mad Max…on an ostrich

By nick.adams 0 Comments
Categories: Movies and video games

joust2.jpg

How I feel about this bit of news can best be compared to the way I felt when I found out that Marion Barry had been re-elected Mayor of DC. It’s so shocking that I’m not even shocked.

Via RottenTomatoes

If you thought film versions of Monopoly and Battleship represented the dirt-covered floor of the basement in Hollywood’s withered creative brain, think again: GameDaily is reporting that plans are afoot to bring Joust to a theater near you.

Yes, Joust. The game to which children of the ’80s sacrificed untold quarters. If you’re somehow unfamiliar with the 25-year-old arcade classic, the “plot” is easy to describe: You play as a knight who flaps around on an ostrich (or emu), using your lance to poke opposing knights off their buzzards. Without getting into too much detail, you also need to eat eggs, avoid pterodactyls, and watch out for the troll that lives in the molten lava below.

Cerenzie also describes the film’s script, written by Marc Gottlieb, as “Gladiator meets Mad Max.” It takes place in the future, and involves a floating Las Vegas.

White people get to make movies about jousting on ostriches in a futuristic, floating Las Vegas and black actors still have to play rapping pimps to get good work.

Hooray for Hollywood! Now to get back to work on my Burgertime script.

You can play Joust online at Midway’s website.

27
Aug

Stand-Up Spotlight @ UCB

By nick.adams 0 Comments
Categories: Comedy, Los Angeles and stand up

Stand-Up Spotlight

UCBTLA is proud to present an evening of stand up from some of LA’s best up and coming comedians: Wyatt Cenac and Ian Edwards.

Wyatt Cenac is a comedian who used to write for King of the Hill, but he’s done a bunch more stuff you’ve probably never seen or will never see. He did anonymous punch up work for Blades of Glory which maybe you saw that. But he also punched up a shitty Alvin & the Chipmunks video game for the PSP which you’ll probably never play. Remember the Midnightly News? It was a Daily Show knock-off, where Wyatt got to hang out at white supremacist Tom Metzger’s house. Remember it now? You shouldn’t. It never aired. Wyatt was a bouncer at a bar, but you probably never noticed when he tried to throw you out. He has a deal with SuperDeluxe.com, but it’s “on ice for the moment.” So who knows when that will see the light of day. He’s also in a pilot for HBO with Kanye West… maybe you’ll get to see that. But don’t hold your breath.

Ian Edwards was born in England and has lived in Jamaica, New York, and California. When he was 21, he stopped working the drive thru at Burger King to try his hand at comedy. Since then he’s appeared on Def Comedy Jam (twice), Show Time at the Apollo, Comedy Central and Late Night with Conan O’Brien. He’s written for Saturday Night Live, the Lyricist Lounge show on MTV, The Boondocks for the Cartoon Network and was a cast member on Punk’d.


UCB Stand Up Spotlight: Ian Edwards & Wyatt Cenac
Friday Aug 31 @ 9:30 PM
Upright Citizens Brigade
5919 Franklin Ave (90028)

[click for reservations]

23
Aug

More news on the other war we’re losing

By nick.adams 0 Comments
Categories: News, drug war, magazines and marijuana

Stopthedrugwar
Image via Flickr user goldenratio

Another major newspaper comes out with a damning article on the drug war.

From The Washington Post:

Thirty-six years and hundreds of billions of dollars after President Richard M. Nixon launched the war on drugs, consumers worldwide are taking more narcotics and criminals are making fatter profits than ever before. The syndicates that control narcotics production and distribution reap the profits from an annual turnover of $400 billion to $500 billion. And terrorist organizations such as the Taliban are using this money to expand their operations and buy ever more sophisticated weapons, threatening Western security.Another major newspaper comes out with a damning piece on the drug war.

Also, in the newest edition of Foreign Policy magazine, Ethan Nadelmann makes the case for legalization.

A “drugfree world,” which the United Nations describes as a realistic goal, is no more attainable than an “alcoholfree world”—and no one has talked about that with a straight face since the repeal of Prohibition in the United States in 1933. Yet futile rhetoric about winning a “war on drugs” persists, despite mountains of evidence documenting its moral and ideological bankruptcy.

23
Aug

Calavera Comedy this Friday

By nick.adams 0 Comments
Categories: Comedy and stand up

Calavera

20
Aug

The Negro Community Frowns Upon Your Shenanigans

By nick.adams 2 Comments
Categories: Comedy and Race

NegroCommunity

I don’t know what these folks are pissed about, but woe unto the person who is the subject of their ire. There is so much comedy in this picture.

  • The skeptical eyebrow of the man at the podium.
  • The “back of the bus” glare from the man to his immediate left. (Full disclosure, comedian Ed Salazar came up with that gem when I first saw this image this weekend.)
  • Next to him is the Black Michael Chertoff.
  • Followed by a man who appears to have some sort of min-Jheri curl. If that is the case, the seriousness of this press conference is, of course, rendered moot.
  • Immediately to the speaker’s right is Exhibit A for the argument against casual Fridays. This is an occurrence that I refer to as mock neck madness; a nod to the alarming number of college basketball coaches who eschew the traditional shirt and tie for this abomination.
  • Token woman up front so each of these men can come home to a decent meal every night without hearing shit from their wives.
  • Some guy who didn’t get the “Navy blue suit” memo.
  • Behind him is the person with their eyes closed that is required by law anytime you take a photograph of more than 4 people.
  • The White guy in the back…keeping an eye on their shenanigans.

I fucking love the internet.


10
Aug

Gilbert Arenas: Asshole

By nick.adams 1 Comment
Categories: Comedy, NBA, Television, basketball, blogs and stand up

A week or so ago, Gilbert Arenas posted an observation about shark attacks on his blog. The crux of the post was that there are no such things as shark attacks because they all happen in the water, which is the shark’s domain. Initially, everyone remarked about how it was kind of an old premise that he was trying to pass off as a new observation. Turns out, it’s worse than that. Arenas was finally forced to admit that he stole the joke from comedian Ian Edwards. Arenas is a smart guy, so I was expecting a candid, honest mea culpa. Instead, here’s what Agent Zero had to say.

Listen, nobody even heard of Ian Edwards before me. He’s no Chris Rock. I helped him become famous. Now everybody is going to YouTube and looking him up.

The joke was worth about $7 when I heard it, now that I’ve used it’s probably worth a little bit more. I’ll sell it back to him for $7.78. Seventy-eight cents, Ian, you can put that in a royalties check made out to me.

Puffy and Ashanti made careers out of stealing other people’s beats. This is America, the land of the reused.

If you think about it, nothing is original. Every joke has been retold at some point. What I did was recycle a new joke instead of waiting for it to get old. It was too funny not to. I mean, at least I picked a good joke, right? It’s not like it was some lame, “Yo momma” joke.

It’s one thing to steal someone else’s joke. (And that’s what you did, Gilbert. You stole it.) It’s an entirely different level of assholery to then defend said thievery with this lame explanation.

Here’s Ian Edwards performing that very bit on Conan.

06
Aug

Republicans would rather be racist than gay

By nick.adams 1 Comment
Categories: Politics and Race

Men’sroom
(Image from flickr user SuzanneK)

From the Orlando Sentinel

State Rep. Bob Allen told police he was just playing along when a undercover officer suggested in a public restroom that the legislator give him oral sex and $20 because he was intimidated, according to a taped statement and other documents released Thursday.

“This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park,” Allen, who is white, told police in a taped statement after his arrest. Allen said he feared he “was about to be a statistic” and would have said anything just to get away.

First off, when did “stocky black guys” become intimidating? Is that all it takes, now? You just have to be stocky? Back in my day, if you wanted to intimidate a white man you had to at least be tall and/or muscular. These chubby young punks today apparently can just waltz up to a grown man and take his lunch money. And I also love that, when threatened, this quick-witted racist comes up with the genius plan to offer the guy a blow job. All of mankind makes due with two options in situations like these. Fight or flight. There’s no “suck” option, Bob.

And if he’s so afraid of black people, why would he be going to the bathroom of this park that’s populated with all these stocky, scary Negroes? Oh yeah. I forgot. He’s full of shit. He went to that park with the specific intent of sucking off one of those “stocky black guys.” And so what? That’s what I say. Whenever one of these preachers or politicians gets caught with his hands down another man’s pants, I always scream the same thing to my wife. “If you like dick, just admit it and move on. You’ll be much happier.” Of course that would also require them admitting that their entire way of life and belief system is a lie. So instead of admitting that he likes dick, he hatches this cockamamie, racist story.

What’s just as fucked up is how the cops caught him. They were staking out a nearby condo hoping to catch someone in the act of burglary when they saw Allen go into the restroom. They said that he was “behaving suspiciously and thought that he was looking for a sexual partner.” They basically called off the hunt for a thief to go hassle a guy who was looking to maybe suck some dick on a Saturday afternoon, and was willing to pay for it. Way to hurt the local economy Titusville Police Department.

06
Aug

Who’s hungry?

By nick.adams 0 Comments
Categories: Race and food

Via Flickr user samplereality

TarBaby

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